I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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