I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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