I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
