Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
