How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
