im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
