Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
