YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
