so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
