i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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