here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Holy shit dude........stairs
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
