He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
