You smell like stripper and shame
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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