I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
