Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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