I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
