i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
