Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
