its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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