dude i'm inner monologue high
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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