I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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