I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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