Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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