i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
