I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
