All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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