I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
