No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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