He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize