Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
