When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
