Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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