Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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