this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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