24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
