I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
