No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
