OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
