Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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