how can u be prego again
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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