Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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