He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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