Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
