Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
