Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
