whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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