i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just cropdusted the office
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
