Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
