I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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