Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
