6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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