Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
