Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
