too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
