woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
