Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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