Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
