Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
