I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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