In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Houston, we have a squirter
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
