Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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