Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
