the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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