how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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