i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
