hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize