im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Even my vagina gasped.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
