watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
