Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
