we have officially lost it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
