why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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