he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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