my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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