yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
