You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
