Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
