If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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