My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
