I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
