He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you will always have a special place in my vag
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
